6 Smart Ways to Handle Online Bullying, Including the Block Button
When I first downloaded TikTok during Covid-19 lockdown boredom in 2020, it seemed like a fun place—that is, until I started posting myself. I played around with trending sounds, sharing stories about things that happened to me as a teenager. I only had 1,000 followers so comments were nice and normal, mostly from women who related to my experiences. But when a video I posted hit 1 million views, everything changed.
Thousands of people, mostly older men, jumped into the comments section criticizing my appearance, saying I looked better as a teenager (ew), pointing out that I gained weight (across 20 years…), and other bits of misogyny. It was hard not to refresh the comments as the video gained views. I worked hard to not let it get to me.
Then, Christmas came around and I started posting videos of myself unboxing advent calendars. It’s a fun and uncontroversial thing to do, right? The comments on these videos were worse, though, as the series reached millions. I still only had 10,000 or so followers but the mean comments weren’t from my followers—they were from the “wrong side of TikTok,” as people say. Comments ripped me apart: I talked weird, I was annoying, my lip filler was bad, I needed to go to the gym, I was wasteful with my money; it goes on and on. Some of them hit insecurities I already had and started to impact my mental health. I had to take a break from the app.
My handful of viral videos showed me how difficult it is online for young people. I’m a millennial in my 30s; I know who I am and I’m not as easily triggered. But if I were getting this online attention as an anxious teenager, it would have completely unraveled me. It made me feel for the younger generation and wonder how this type of online hate can form their lives and mold their perspectives.
It’s something some of the biggest influencers are now speaking out about after being silent for a long time. In September 2023, Mikayla Nogueira (14.9 million followers) and Remi Bader (2.3 million) got emotional in videos talking about the constant comments about their weight. It’s affecting them in such a negative way, they’ve both decided to stop sharing their health and fitness journeys. It’s not worth the emotional labor.
Can you blame them? Creator Carly Weinstein (490K followers) also took to TikTok in September to “address the hate,” saying she gets “insults on the internet all the time” and comments about her body ad nauseam.
Over the years of reporting on pop culture, I’ve asked influencers how they deal with the comments. Most use TikTok’s comment filters, blocking any words that might be a trigger. Beyond that, they say they don’t have a great system. They have to look at the comments to engage with their followers. That’s their job. And they want to reply to the good ones. But when they do, it’s impossible not to see the mean ones.
“‘Don’t look at the comments’ is easier said than done,” says Michele Leno, PhD, a licensed psychologist in Michigan. “I’m that person who would stress about the one bad comment out of 50 good ones and read the comments with one eye open. And this is coming from a psychologist who focuses on stress management.”
Experts know it’s tough out there, but there are actionable ways to help minimize the damage from crappy comments. Because you might not be able to change them (or to delete TikTok), but you can change the way you feel about them.
1. Limit Exposure
Use any and all of TikTok’s tools to block users posting bullying comments and block certain words from even being posted. And if you do see something, try not to engage. “Remember, your mental health comes first,” says Dr. Michele. “If you reply to a fan’s negative comments, you could end up in a never-ending social media war. Even if you look, do not reply.” We know — that can be tough to do. Which is why, a refocus can help.
And you’re not alone. In a mental health survey conducted by StyleCaster in conjunction with Mental and the Mental Health Coalition, 91 percent of respondents protect their energy on social media, opting to mindfully consume what they see in their feeds. To curate their feeds, they primarily elect to unfollow, self-manage, and take action.
“Healthy distractions like watching TV, calling a friend, playing a game on your device, and even going for a walk can help with the residual feelings of frustration and hurt that happens as a result of online harassment,” said Minaa B. MSW, LMSW, a licensed social worker, mental health educator, and author of Owning Our Struggles .
You’ve heard that it’s also best to limit the time you spend on the app. Try setting an alarm to keep yourself on track. No refreshing! “Allowing yourself parameters to view comments, when possible turning off the commenting capabilities, and setting limits on time spent on social media allows for re-centering around value, self-worth, and gaining perspective,” says Angeleena Francis, licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) and executive director of AMFM Healthcare.
2. Hang Out With Friends IRL
It sounds obvious, but seeing friends and family offline can be the restart you need. “Social media is undoubtedly part of our society, however, there is no replacement for true human connection,” says Francis. “Being present with others, in person, provides a physiological response that as humans we crave and contribute to mental wellness.”
Dr. Michele agrees. “Find support outside of social media,” she says. “Attend in-person events. It’s good to have reminders of how much people love you.”
3. Focus on the Positives
When I shared parts of my life online, many women messaged me saying how it made them feel less alone. I tried to ignore the hate comments and focus on those messages instead. That’s exactly what Aldrich Chan, Ph.D, a neuropsychologist in Miami, FL, recommends. “Engaging with supportive followers can provide a much-needed boost to your self-esteem and counterbalance the negativity,” he says.
4. Maintain Perspective
“It’s important to remind yourself that these comments come from strangers who often know very little about you,” says Dr. Chan. “Understand that these comments do not reflect your worth or value as a person. Brooke Gilbertsen, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical director of Carrara Treatment, Wellness & Spa, echoes that statement.
“Hurt people hurt people, plain and simple,” she says. (Yes, your mom was right.) “Taking this psychological perspective into account, it may provide more understanding, and perhaps even empathy or compassion from where it’s coming from,” she says. Then, “it creates a bit of a shield against penetrating deeply or taking it personally.”
5. Use Positive Affirmations
You’ve seen them in rom-coms and music videos. A person stands in front of a mirror and tells themself how amazing they are. They do it because it can work. “Remind yourself of your worth, talents, and achievements regularly,” says Dr. Chan. “These affirmations can help boost your self-esteem and resilience, making it easier to withstand online criticism.”
6. Talk to Someone
I truly believe that if you have the means to see a therapist, it’s something everyone can benefit from. This is especially true if you have or have ever had a mental health disorder. “[If you’re] dealing with depression, anxiety, or another mental health condition, social media could compromise your mental [health],” warns Dr. Michele. “You may even overreact to certain comments. Work with a therapist to maintain your mental health.”
As for me, I’ll be incorporating a lot of these tips into my life — especially #1. Taking time away from TikTok allows me to refocus. It might sound cheesy, but it’s true: what matters are my friends and my family, not some person on the Internet with a fake profile photo. And when in doubt, there’s that trusty “block” button.
