Are You Suffering From Prince Charming Syndrome?
Do you have an endless list of requirements in a mate? For example, do you require your partner to be 6’5”, a good listener, a chef, a plumber, or Mr. Perfect? And if he doesn’t possess those qualities, do you rule him out because he’s just not for you?
Well, you may need to leave Fantasy Land if you’re sick of being single, because you’re suffering from Prince Charming Syndrome.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having a list of what you want in a mate. But if you’re so inflexible when it comes to love, or you have a romanticized version of what love should look like, you could be missing out on what could be a great relationship, says psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig.
To put it simply, women who are waiting for Prince Charming have unrealistic expectations, especially if they demand he be their knight in shining armor, 24/7.
“She expects that a guy will have, and be, every little thing she is looking for. And a lot of the time, her criteria is so stringent that no mortal human being of this type exists, and as a result, [she] remains alone,” says matchmaker Samantha Daniels.
Fact: A man is never going to ride up on a white horse and save you.
It is important that women be very honest with themselves about how happy they actually are in their lives being alone, adds Daniels. “Both men and women believe they need to have every little characteristic on their checklist to be happy, and they are scared that if something is missing, their life won’t be complete.”
Some women may fear that if they don’t end up with Mr. Perfect, they are going to end up with Mr. Wrong. But relationships are not that black and white.
“When women mature and do a little work on themselves, they usually lose this Prince Charming fantasy and find a real man who can meet their real needs quite well,” says Ludwig.
So if he’s not the best landscaper, doesn’t own his own sailboat, or go to your preferred college, who cares? Experts agree that the best matches are between two people who connect on the intangible things.
Author and dating coach Maya Ezratti says women need to be open to going out with different types of people, rather than just the ones who fit their “Mr. Perfect” mold. In addition, dating as much as possible will increase the chances that you’ll finally find “the one.”
“Give a man two to three dates to get to know him a little more,” says Ezratti. “Allow him to mess up on silly things when he is nervous around you. Don’t be so overly judgmental.”
Having a fabulous, happy life all on your own and allowing this new man to be your complement and partner will also take the pressure off of him, says Ezratti.
As Daniels adds, “Someone can have a laundry list of criteria that they want in a mate, but if they meet someone and fall for them, the list will just go out the window.”
By the way, you’ve probably heard of that syndrome, too. It’s called “chemistry.”
This article originally appeared on Fox News Magazine.
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