Wedding Gift Etiquette: How Much Money to Give & Other Pressing Questions

Any time money and personal relationships mingle, things can get sticky—and that’s definitely true when it comes to wedding gift etiquette. Whether you’re writing a check, grabbing a gift card, or choosing a Le Creuset Dutch Oven from a wedding gift registry, there are many ways to approach wedding gift-giving. Most of us are thrilled to give our just-married friends and family presents to start their lives together, but it can be confusing to figure out exactly what we’re supposed to gift.

How far in advance should you give someone a wedding gift? How do you handle gifting when it comes to destination weddings? And don’t even get me started about gifting when you’re bringing a plus one—it’s already confusing enough as is when you’re attending as a single. After all, weddings are unique to every couple, so there aren’t always hard-and-fast rules to fall back on.

There are, however, general guidelines people should follow to ensure a graceful gift-giving process. To lift the mystery a little, we enlisted Anja Winikka, site director at TheKnot.com, and AJ Williams, Founder of AJ Events, who offered 10 tips about wedding gift etiquette, including how much to give for a wedding gift if you’re going the money route, when to give it, and when it’s okay to not give money at all. There’s no need to stress about the little things anymore—this guide has you covered.

For a wedding gift, how much cash should I give?

Anja Winikka: How much you give really depends on your relationship with the bride and groom. Here’s a useful breakdown:

• If you’re a coworker or a distant family friend or relative: $100+
• If you’re a relative or friend of the bride or groom: $100 to $125+
• If you’re a close relative or a close friend: $150+

AJ Williams: On average, $50 to $200 is customary based on your relationship with the couple and what’s comfortable for your budget.

How about if I’m invited with a guest?

Anja Winikka: There’s no hard-and-fast etiquette rule on this one, but it’s customary to give a bigger gift since the couple is now hosting (read: paying for) two guests to eat and drink rather than one.

AJ Williams: You should not feel obligated to spend more dollars because you were allowed to bring a guest. Appreciation is best, say it in a thoughtful card or note with your gift. But if you feel obliged, say… my guest’s name and I would love to treat you to dinner after your honeymoon. Thank you for including her/him/them.

If you are invited as a guest but you do not know the couple, a card would be thoughtful with best wishes on their marriage.

Do I have to give a wedding gift if I’m also giving presents to the bride for her pre-wedding activities?

Anja Winikka: Determine how much you want to spend total on wedding-related gifts and then break it down this way:
20% engagement party
20% bridal shower
60% wedding

What should I give as a wedding gift? Does it have to be something from the couple’s registry or can I get creative?

Anja Winikka: We strongly recommend sticking to the registry. The couple created it for a reason and you’ll definitely be getting them something they’ll love. If you really want to go off registry though, think of their personalities and find a gift that’s geared toward their likes and hobbies. If all else fails, you can never go wrong with a crystal ice/Champagne bucket from Tiffany.

AJ Williams: If there’s a registry, you are not required to gift from the registry, though it is certainly easier. If you know the couple well, you could send a creative or thoughtful gift based on your relationship, something that’s meaningful. I love to suggest guests gift couples with date night gift cards or an overnight in the city. Cash or gift cards with a card explaining the idea is a thoughtful gesture.

Fact or myth: I have to give a wedding gift before the couple’s first anniversary.

Anja Winikka: Fact. Guests technically have up to one year after the wedding to send the couple a wedding gift, but you really should gift it sooner if you can. That way, you won’t forget, and it’ll be off your plate.

AJ Williams: Fact, but I would send the gift either two weeks before the wedding or up to 2 months after. Life happens so send it while it’s top of mind.  

I always feel awkward shoving an envelope in the bride/groom’s hand at the wedding. What’s the right time to do it during the wedding?

Anja Winikka: At the wedding, consider giving the gift to a close family member—one of the bride or groom’s parents is ideal—they’re likely holding on to everything or they’ll know who is is. The bride and groom have so much going on, it will be difficult for them to figure out where to put it and who to give it to for safe keeping. Otherwise, give it to the bride or groom at brunch the next day if it’s a weekend affair.

AJ Williams: If you attend a wedding and have a card with you, give it to the wedding planner, the parents of the couple, or in the specific safe box or area designated for these. Never give it to the couple to keep track of. Do this at the beginning of the cocktail hour or the welcome party the night before.

Do I have to bring the gift to the wedding, or is sending it acceptable?

Anja Winikka: You can definitely send a check in the mail. This one’s all about your comfort level—if you prefer to mail it and not have to worry about it at the wedding, then do that! If you’d rather give it in person, then that’s okay too.

AJ Williams: Sending is absolutely acceptable (and has become the norm) and I suggest sending the gift two weeks prior to two months later. It used to be more common to bring a gift to the wedding, now it’s more common that it be shipped to their home. This makes it so much more convenient for the couple when the wedding night is over.

If I’m traveling to a destination wedding, is it acceptable to give less as a gift?

Anja Winikka: Generally, if you’re spending a good amount of money to get to the wedding, then it’s okay to gift less than you normally would. But make sure that you do give a gift. Although a destination wedding can be extra-expensive for guests, you should give something. The couple will understand you’ve spent a lot between the travel and hotel, so don’t feel pressure to give an overly generous gift.

AJ Williams: With destination weddings, bringing gifts is not encouraged. If you want to give a gift, ship it to their home (or off their registry and the store will do it for you).

If I’m married, should I always give the same thing as I received?

Anja Winikka: Not necessarily. The gift should directly relate to your now-relationship with the couple and how much you can personally afford.

AJ Williams: I would give what you feel, given your relationship with the couple, and what your budget allows. Always try to be thoughtful, even if it’s through your words in the card and your gift wrapping. Make it personal. It’s their special day! 

Is it in bad taste to give cash?

Anja Winikka: It falls along the same lines as giving a check, as both are giving money, but if you personally feel there’s a stigma, just write a check.

AJ Williams: Some couples prefer cash, some couple will not accept cash, and some couples register for honeymoon or house funds that accept cash. As a rule, if there’s a registry, cash is acceptable. If the couple says no gifts, that also means no cash.